You wanna know more about me..

I finished my presentaion today and now I have 1 final.  Tomorrow will be the last of this trimester and the beginning of an awesome summer.  It's just so crazy how not only is summer staring for me, but that I'm also turning 21!  Now i know this is supposed to be a huge deal, but I'm kind of just taking it in stride.  It's been a tough last 3 months for me and this summer is really going to represent a new everything.  New life, new friends, new travels, new job. 

I had a long chat with my mom and dad last night because I was sobbing about the ex (again).  My mom says, "Well you just need to make a choice.  If you get back together with him, you're not going to trust him and you guys will break up in 2 years anyway so what's the point?" Geez, why are mothers so brilliant?  Long story short, I'm not getting back with him and I'm trying to stop talking to him all together...we didn't talk at all yesterday..well except he texted me saying he missed me and that he felt empty. Join the club buddy.

I am officially convinced that 13 is my lucky number.  It's in every part of my life, all of my anniversaries have been on the 13th, my college ID has 13 in it, my first dorm had 13 in it....or maybe its just a coinciedence? Oh well.  I happen to think its quite the sexxy number.

A guy in my class complimented my fashion choices today.  He said that he appreciates it when a woman can dress herself.  So sad to say, but that kinda made my day. :)  I'm glad people still notice when I try to look nice.

Has anyone seen Tila's cover for Blender Magazine!??! She looks sooooo hot/cute. :)))

I am officially sick again.  As my mom puts it, "well, you were rubbing up on hundreds of people at the concert of yours, what do you expect?" I love her so much :) I went to CVS and bought a gallon of Nyquil and some Zyrtec because I've been told that I have magically devleloped allergies to the New England weather.  I bought a sexy box of Puffs with extra lotion.  I wanted the ones with Vicks Vapor Rub but they ran out so that kinda bummed me out.

I have so many things to do in the next few weeks its gross.  I'm afraid I won't even remember to celebrate my 21st birthday :( After a year of looking forward to it, I probably won't be doing anything special for it since it's the end of the school year and all my friends will be gone.  No big deal though, I'll just have to celebrate it another time.

So I am still heavily brusied from the show and I'm so jealous of everyone and their ability to wear sleeveless clothing.  Even the girls are wearing sun dresses! SUN DRESSES!!! That's not even the worst part, I have another show to go to next week...
SHOWS = BRUISES! :(

I'm still on a Starting Line high...I can't stop thinking about how awesome the show was.  I'm gonna miss them.

Time to finish my paper on Jackie Robinson....

P.S. THE NFL DRAFT IS THIS SATURDAY!! :)

AH so the show was last night and OMG.  Talk about the best way to get back into the whole lifestyle.  The most important this is that I met Kenny Vasoli, got to to talk to him, hugged and got a picture with him.  Oh yeah, he also signed my shirts :)  He is so much cuter in person. I wish they weren't taking a break.  The set list was great too, a good mix of new and old songs.  They ended with " Best of Me"  :) PERFECT!They are some of the nicest guys I've met. 
+Bayside was amazing.
+Four Year Strong kicked my ass
+Steel Train was refreshing

You guys are not gonna believe how beat up I got during this show.  I fought my way to the front and center of the crowd, I had my arms over the guardrails and now both my arms are ridiculously bruised up. I mean BRUISED.  I'm gonna post pics later..its horrible.  I look like a domestic viloence victim...too bad I don't even have a bf. hahah

So here are the things I need to do today:

* Complete half of my Marketing project
* Call my mom to tell her I'm alive
* Call my brother to tell him I got him a shirt..SIGNED
* Do one more page of my Jackie Robinson paper
* Find long sleeve shirts to hide my bruises all over my arms.

Wow, last night was awesome, even though Shania almost broke her nose :( But she's ok.

Another show in 2 weeks

Wow, I totally forgot how cool I used to be.  I used to be on top of the new awesome bands that came out and would live for the shows that would come near my towns.  All of that went away for almost 2 years and I've been listening to T-Pain, Rihanna and Britney when I used to listen to Less Than Jake, The Early November, and RUFio.  Yikes!  What happened to me? I used to be alternative and all that good stuff. haha Well here's the good news!  I'm going to 2 shows within the next 2 weeks.

April 19, 2008 Saturday
The Starting Line w/ Bayside, Four Year Strong, Steel Train
The Palladium
Worcester, MA

April 29, 2008 Tuesday
AP Tour 2008 The Rocket Summer w/ All Time Low
Toad's Place
New Haven, CT

So yeah, looks pretty awesome! :)

I'm really excited about the Starting Line show since I used to be sooo in love with them when I was in high school.  
My friends Shania and Sam really want to go to Bamboozle in New Jersey in May.  It's like 100X better than Warped Tour..but its like 3 hours away and buttloads expensive. :(

In other news, I have midterms this whole week and its been somewhat tough.  I have 3 major projects due in 3 weeks and I kinda want to panic.  Truth is, I love this feeling!  I love deadlines and worrying on whether or not I'll finish on time.  Is that weird? yeah it is i know.

I also found out that I might be able to go home for a little bit when school ends on my birthday.  I'd actually really love that... I miss my family so much. My mom sent me a picture last night of my brother and his black eye.  Cool guy got hit in the face with a basball during his game.  hahah I couldn't help but laugh.  Good job Niko.

Have you ever had this feeling before?
Where you hear the most horrible, awful thing you could possibly imagine...and yet, you can't shed a single tear?
That's what I experienced tonight.  This weird surge of emotion-less energy through my entire body.  It felt like someone finally lifted the weight off my small shoulders.  He finally said it.  

He likes her, he thought of her often, he kissed her.  Some answers I never wanted to ever hear, but I knew were always there. Why must I be so stubborn that I have to ask every single questions imaginable? My heart is in the right place, I want the truth....who doesn't?

I finally went through another and the final experience with Dominic and I wasn't alone.  I was with my friend Steph L..no, not my orignal Stephy but someone who laughs at my jokes and understands me.  I swear things really do happen for a reason.  Believe in fate, God, destiny or whatever, ultimately you do have control over your life. All of the above just better your judgement on the choices. 

Steph actually read me something in the book she was reading that made a lot of sense.  The book described a picture of a human figure with 4 legs, no head (instead flowers and shrubbery) and in place of the heart, a smiley face.  It said to keep grounded as if you had 4 legs instead of just 2, and to always think with your heart because ultimately, that's what you really want  To be honest with you, I've really lost track of who I am as a person.  I've met so many people that have reminded me of how cool and unique I used to be.  Steph's roomate Sarah has the exact taste in music as I did years ago, when I was punk rock. haha It's been so long since I got excited over Less than Jake, NOFX and the Warped Tour.

I wrote on Caleb's facebook wall today and it felt so nice. I'm not really sure why I stopped keeping in contact with him.  He was like my best friend on the team.  We shared music, iPod earphones to listen to some new band I discovered on purevolume and even listened to comediens together.  I just want him to know that I am so incredibly proud of him for all that he has accomplished.  I can't believe he's going to college already.. WOW.  I remember teaching him LD and giving pep chats before his first Varsity round.

I need to re-evaluate myself.  Not that I'm lost, but I think that sometime in the process of dating Dominic, i forgot the parts of me that everyone else loved.  I forgot about the dorkiness inside me that Anthony adored.  I forgot about the quick wit that Brandon loved.  And most of all, I forgot about the strength inside me that has never allowed a single person to step all over me.  

Skating, writing, cooking, music, singing, dancing, painting, drawing, sports, politics...these were all things that were part of my life before I met Dominic...why did I hide it? That's where I made a mistake. 
People make mistakes and people learn...like they say, Its not what problem you got yourself in, it's how you handle yourself throughout that matters.

I've really grown up the past few years: college, culinary school, bf's and jobs.  All of it has shaped me to who I am now. I know exactly what I want for my career.  Actually, I'm pretty damn good at what I do. :) Gloating is allowed right?

Somewhere in this world there is a person who was made just for me.  
Someone who adores every inch of my soul and my heart. 
Someone who is impressed with my impeccable Xmen knowledge and ability to make up my own terms for things.  
Someone who can handle my stubborness.
Someone who will put me in my place when I'm wrong.
Someone who makes it ok to admit that I was wrong.
Someone who knows exactly how I like my eggs and my corned beef hash in the morning.
Someone who wants to explore every inch of this world.
Someone who appreciates that brilliance of a well-built sports stadium/arena.
Someone who knows why it's so awesome that they make a Java Chip LIGHT Frappaccino at Starbucks.
Someone who wants to see a football game at every single stadium in the U.S. 
Someone who makes me feel beautiful without saying a single word.
Someone who calls back on time.
Someone that can love ME.  Just ME...and all the details that I come with :)

I was told to find something that I used to love to do all the time...besides debate and competition...writing was the next thing.
So this is my new chapter for me.
My 21st birthday is coming so soon..I'll finally be a grown up.
I think I'm ready :)

This will be a short post, I just woke up from a nap and I feel so ehh.

It sucks the most when everything piles up, I don't know how I'm going to handle all this work.

I know I can get really good at debate, oo and extemp.  The question is, am I really willing to work for it?

I want to move to Austin already....

Man, literature is so beautiful.  I wish I was good...like super-awesome-good at writing.  Plenty of people think poetry is lame, I would like to argue that it is one of the most relazing things ever...I totally belong to an Art School..=)

Today was nice 5th pd.  I got to spend some time chattin' it up with my friend Cmac, I 'm going to miss her when I have to leave for college. 

  <----that was taken with my camera phone...it's soo cool.

..you know things a month ago were so much better....

My mom kicks ass.  Simply put, no one else can put up with my crap like her.  I hope she knows that I do appreciate her.  Anyway, today my dad was being jackass-ish, I swear sometimes I wonder how on earth I am related to him, I mean of all days to make my mom clean house it has to be on fuckin Mother's Day..grr...

*Breathes*  Yesterday I found this old notebook I had, its like a scrapbook of Steven and I....really weird.  It so lame, I mean just by looking at the book, it seemed like I was going to end up with him....scary thought...

I have one pic from Promhehe...we looked nice...I'm glad I met Brandon, he's the complete opposite of Steven its insane I love it though.......but maybe...change was exactly what I needed...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY !!!